My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dude i'm inner monologue high
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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