i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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