omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
