But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
