Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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