the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
