Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
