he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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