Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
