omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
two words...techno handjob
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
