Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
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When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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