we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
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Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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