Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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