So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
