Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
