So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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