I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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