just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my being single is dangerous.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Randomize
