I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
