Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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