Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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