I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
