If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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