There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
