i think my tv is drunk
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
