some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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