sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
