The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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