what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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