mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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