and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
