Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
