i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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