I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
