Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Every concussion has its silver lining
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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