I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
