Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
