So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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