Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
