I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
