I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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