Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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