I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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