Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
