I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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