I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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