Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
