I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
