I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
