Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you will always have a special place in my vag
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
