yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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