I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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