When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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