Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
