1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
