You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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