i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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