I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
