Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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