either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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