Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
If he has a beard, chances are, thatās an open invitation to sit on his face
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
Randomize
