I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
