smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
