I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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