All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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