Heybabeimwearingurpanties
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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