I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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