When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
