i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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