I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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