Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
