This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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