I should be sponsored by Trojan
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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