it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
