jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
