phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
