google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
