So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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