I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
